you're stupid and it makes me sad

I'm not always a heartless bitch...

2010-02-14T10:54:00.000-08:00

...more often than not, yes; but every once in a while my soft spot shines through and since today is Valentines Day I'd like to send you all some heartfelt wishes. * Gag, gag*.

I have decided that for today I will set aside my potty mouth and instead serenade you with this sweet little sentiment. It's the 'Winter Song' sung by Sara Bareilles, both her voice and the video are quite pretty. So enjoy and I'll get back to cussing at you a little bit later.

Oh sweet fuckity fuck, I haven't laughed this hard in a long time

2010-02-13T15:43:00.000-08:00

Upon visiting one of my all time favorite websites, geekologie.com, I found this truly hysterical shit. Thank you geekologie writer, thank you.

*Please Note: I do not condone violence and am highly opposed to weaponry of any sort. But I do condone dumbasses.

Despicable me. No, not "ME" asshole.

2010-02-11T19:33:00.000-08:00

I'm havin' a bad, bad day

If you take it personal, that's OK

Watch, this is so fun to see

Ah, despicable me...

I came across another wicked interactive website, this one is for an upcoming movie. It's still under construction (no info is posted on the actual story yet) but be sure to check out the previews and gallery. It's pretty sweet.

And if you have nothing better to do (like me), stay a while to play a game or two. But only if you *really* have nothing better to do, the games are pretty lame. But not lame enough to take away from the overall awesomeness of the site.

UPDATE: Kia's superbowl commercial was some silly awesomesauce

2010-02-08T18:26:00.000-08:00

If you lack short term memory, or if you have never visited this blog before, you will not recall the preliminary excitement that I expressed regarding Kia's upcoming Super Bowl commercial (about 3 posts down). Well, I'm no sports fanatic but even I know that the Super Bowl has come and gone and I just *had* to find that damn little commercial.

Well I did, and it kicks ass. Turns out we don't really see a whole lot of Muno, and even though the monkey dude stole the show, it was the bear that got the girl. You can view its coolness here but you're going to feel like a total loser in comparison. Don't say I didn't warn you. Damn I wish I was a fucking puppet.

Pictured below: Sneak peak or spoiler alert, your call.

So THATS where the black box is!

2010-02-06T21:00:00.000-08:00

Much like an episode of What Not To Wear, South African airline Kulula has received a facelift after adopting a new branding scheme called “Flying 101.” A creative paint job on the exterior of the carrier indicates where the planes parts are located and includes items such as: front door, nose cone, black box, landing gear and secret agent code. Yes, secret agent code.

The Kulula rebranding effort was accomplished by South African creative agency, Atomosphere Communications, and the rebranding graphics are only a portion of the brands planned business and marketing transformations. Other changes include items such as high impact environmental consciousness through ‘Project Green’ and simple in-flight entertainment podcasts.

Pictured below: Kulula Airlines pre-intervention (click image to enlarge).

Ghana, you dirty little bitch

2010-02-02T03:51:00.000-08:00

Ghana has become a dumping ground for the Western Worlds discarded electrical equipment and items such as keyboards, circuit boards and cables are amongst the most popular contributors to e-waste pollution. Many items are regularly burned in order to retrieve valuable copper which results in the release of toxic metals such as lead, mercury and beryllium into the atmosphere.

Andrew McConnell, an incredibly talented photographer, has captured startling images of a waste dump in the suburb of Agbogbloshie which is worth a few minutes of your time here. Seriously, you're a dick if you don't check this out.

Pictured below: A man crossing a bridge over a river. That's right, a RIVER.

This is how we roll

2010-02-02T03:18:00.000-08:00

See that big red cyclopse dude? That's Muno, a big friendly monster currently airing on the Nick Junior network. Debatably Muno also resembles a gigantic dildo although I wasn't aware that silicone could transmit HPV. Anyways, that's neither here nor there, Muno and his above posse will be making a brief appearance in a Kia commercial during the Super Bowl. Take a sneak peek at his money shot here. I don't know why this made me laugh so hard, it just did.

Scrubbing back + looking out for black sails = Multi-tasking

2010-02-02T02:52:00.000-08:00

Meet the porthole bath, a traditional bathtub which incorporates two circular windows generally found on ship hulls into its design. This unusual idea was contrived by The Water Monopoly company in London who makes all sorts of funky swag for your loo.

Be sure to check out their free standing Needleshower which looks much like an ancient torture device and costs only £18,995 + VAT. But really, that's a bargain considering it may may be effective at obtaining a confession which could lead you to that final piece of Aztec gold.

Pictured below: Arrr ya free Friday night?

McDonalds and Gucci had a love child... and McFancy was its name

2010-01-30T17:46:00.000-08:00

To clarify for the male readers and the not so stylish crowd (hey, I live in pajamas infront of my computer so I'm not here to judge) Fashion Week is a week of fashion (duh) which allows designers to show off their latest collections in the capital cities of fashion: New York, Milan, London and Paris.

During this stylish event McDonalds hosts a temporary market which serves the traditional menu items packaged in containers labeled with designer brand names. And what do you suppose this fancy ass breed of McDonalds is called? Why, McFancy of course!

Pictured below: More cheap food which I can only imagine will come with an outrageous price tag.

HOLLAAAAA!

2010-01-26T15:09:00.000-08:00

All right all you sexy boyz and fine bitches, I just want to say a quick thanks for checking out my site. The numbers on my analytics increase every day, as do my repeat visitors. Comments are far and few between, but I know you're out there (I know everything with this hat on) and I appreciate the feedback I've received so far from my readers. And fuck, you guys are all over the place! I'd also like to send a very special thank you to my one super fan who sends me regular spam mail, you're so kind but I'm still waiting for the £75,000 you promised...

Now this is just stupid

2010-01-23T13:28:00.000-08:00

I already have more clothing than I know what to do with so this just doesn't make any sense from a functional standpoint, but if I wanted my home to resemble some bizarre fairytale adventure I would head straight over to Straight Line Designs Inc located in Vancouver BC. Check out their cool (yet annoyingly slow website), you will find some really unique pieces which are represented in equally interesting photos.

Husband and wife team are all sorts of funny

2010-01-23T09:39:00.000-08:00

Meet Hollie. Hollie is blonde. Hollie is married. Hollie has no deeply rooted issues. Hollie does not display symptoms of mental illness. Hollie does not freak out in public. But Hollie cries at the end of almost every movie, happy or sad. Darth Vader makes Hollie sad. Hollies husband thinks this is funny. Said husband films Hollies crying commentaries and posts them here. Hollie thinks this is funny too (or at least for now).

This dynamic duo also post other things online. Are you a true ninja? Find out here. I've always wanted to be a ninja, but deep in my heart I know I'm really a pirate (it's the clothes, yo!). Unlike me, this husband and wife team really are ninjas since this cleverly designed site is really a front for a Christian website. Stealth little bastards...

Beautiful art that scares the shit out of me

2010-01-17T19:02:00.000-08:00

Alexander Jansson is an incredibly talented artist whose gorgeously odd illustrations intrigue yet terrify me. You can check out his unique portfolio here.

And since we're on the topic of art again, I'd like to introduce yet another talented photographer. Normally I'm not a fan of self portrait photography (fucking narcissistic bastards), but in this case I admire the work of Kalliope Amorphous who's work is best described as performance art. Unlike the usual vain erotic self-gratification crap plastered all over the internet, Kalliope takes a theatrical approach to her work which effectively establishes thought provoking and stunning results. View her incredible work here.

Pictured below: A piece from Kalliope's Resurrecting Ophelia collection.

You'll shoot your eye out

2010-01-17T11:29:00.000-08:00

It never ceases to amaze me how many people create stupid shit and this 'Penny Shooter Business Card' is no exception. Seriously dude, within business circumstances, how could this possibly be a good idea?

"Thank you for your attending the Annual International Astronomy Conference, I appreciate your keen attention during the question briefing regarding electromagnetism and quantum mechanics. Refreshments will be served in the lounge, please help yourself to a brochure and business card...*pew, pew pew!*..." And because the business card is the single most powerful networking tool, be generous. Take a penny, leave a penny.

Pictured below: The only scenario I feel this business card can be applied to. But rather than shooting a row of pennies it needs to be powerful enough to shoot a row of condoms.

Crack is whack

2010-01-16T18:29:00.000-08:00

...and so are these pics. You can view more brain candy here.

I only lasted 54 seconds

2010-01-12T08:17:00.000-08:00

Hilarious quiz that lasts only as long as you do. Ready... Set... GO!

Pictured below: What you're up against. PS, according to Unencyclopedia, the Velociraptor is a big fat jerk.

As usual I don't really know what's going on...

2010-01-10T19:28:00.000-08:00

...but that won't stop me from passing on this blog. It's basically a video which illustrates a photographic point of view, I really don't know how to explain it any better than that so you'll just have to trust me and watch it. Ha ha, famous last words.

It's over 12 minutes long, but it's absolutely breathtaking and will be much better appreciated when viewed in full screen mode. Sheesh, at least start it up and see how much you can tolerate before you cringe at its length...

Yibi Hu fucking depresses me but I can't stop watching his videos

2010-01-07T06:56:00.000-08:00

Artist, animator and filmmaker Yibi Hu develops short films and also concepts and advertisements for television (BBC, CBBC, and the 2008 Beijing Olympics Channel).

Hu developed an amazing short film entitled Josie's Lalaland which was inspired by Josie Grove, a 16 year old Lukemia patient.

"I first heard about a 14-year-old girl who was a blood cancer patient from one of my friends over in Asia. After 4 years of life in a hospital she stopped treatment and I was deeply moved by the girl's courage.I began to research children who are in the same situation as her and one day I read the story of Josie Grove in the newspaper. Josie was 16-years old and had been a leukemia patient for many years. She had two bone marrow transplants and a course of anti-cancer drugs, all of which were unsuccessful in beating Josie's cancer. When Josie was told that her condition was terminal she decided not to undertake any further treatment and went home to reunite with her family and enjoy a normal teenage life for her last 3 months. Not only because of similarity of two stories, but also the courage of these two different young individuals, I was inspired to create something that would capture such a spirit."

To view this artists amazing portfolio, click here. Incredibly beautiful, imaginative and magical, Josie's Lalaland has a run time of just over 3 1/2 minutes. I was also deeply moved by Lucky... that's right. Deeply. Moved. On a lighter note, be sure to check out A Day At Dunjanez.

Pictured below: A screen shot from A Day At Dunjanez. Who knew a portaloo could be a spot for sweet romance?

Forum At Sierra:Team Shoot Out Video entitled Environmental Awakening

2010-01-05T18:34:00.000-08:00

OK, I wasn't totally blown away by this video, but it really does send a good message and would likely appeal (and hopefully inspire) teens and young adults.

Enjoy and learn. Or you know, be a jackass and ignore the message. Who needs oxygen anyways? In my second life I'm coming back as a tree. Oh wait...

Time for me to make like a tree and get out of here.

Diego Monetti, who are you?!

2010-01-02T04:11:00.000-08:00

He smokes, he drinks, and he promises not to seduce you. A misunderstood freelance designer who's goal is to reinvent the future, Diego Monetti has developed one of the coolest interactive web sites that I have ever seen. A dark, smoky milieu is intensified by classical music and a thick French accent; and let's face it girls, this guy is no stick in the mud. Navigate your way through this artists profile and be sure to check out how much a web site will cost you. That last part will surely not disappoint, I hate cheap bastards too.

DiegoMonetti.com

Taking role playing to a whole new level

2010-01-01T19:31:00.000-08:00

I witnessed my first ever Live Action Role Playing Game this summer in Montreal, and I have to admit that I found it more disturbing than amusing.

The above is an image from a video that I originally found on YouTube called "Chase Dat Gold: The Larp Rap" and I was thrilled when I found it again with the lyrics included here (3min, 53sec). It's definitely worth your time to check out these gay musketeers demonstrating some bad-ass role playing through catchy lyrics and amusing scenarios.

Thanks to Fred (who secretly wishes he was a dark elf) for the inspiration. And you can check out LARPers who take themselves way too seriously here.

Pictured below: Something else worth watching that involves an appropriate level of role playing.

Happy New Year!

2009-12-31T15:16:00.000-08:00

I know I'm a bit early, I just thought I'd throw that out there while I'm still sober.

FU Cookie Monster! Me eat cookie now, Om Nom nom nom...

2009-12-31T13:52:00.000-08:00

I don't know who this bitch is but she looks pretty pissed and I think she has permanently suppressed this Sesame Street characters voracious appetite for cookies. Damn, I better go hide my Chips Ahoy.

Pictured below: Too late, it looks as though he saw the Cookie Monster Slayer coming...

Super Mario's video eulogy

2009-12-31T13:37:00.000-08:00

Someone whom I assume is a really big fan of Super Mario created an inspirational video / commercial for Super Mario Galaxy and posted it on collegehumor.com .

*Long drawn-out sigh...* Oh, the trials and tribulations that Mario must face traveling through outer space collecting power stars with nothing but his bravery and nine power-ups to guide him. Defeating his enemies by stunning them with Star Bits, feeding the Hungry Lumas, surfing on a Manta Ray, and eventually floating away in a magical bubble... and all this effort just to save a helpless little valley girl, Princess Peach, from the evil grips of Bowser. Bravo. Truly commemorative. *Wipes away a single tear that dramatically roles down cheek*.

Pictured below: The vain valley girl from Beverly Hills Drive, Mushroom Kingdom CA.

Holy shit, this actually works

2009-12-31T04:17:00.000-08:00

Marlies Romberg a recent graduate of the Utrecht School of Arts, Netherlands, established a goal to "materialize the ungraspable fast digital world and create an opportunity for nostalgia in this future world."

The end result is the development of Dear Diary 1.0 which fuses the physical world and the digital world by embedding a fully functional computer and laser keyboard into a wooden desk and framework. This cool little creation is also symbolic of the fact that the 'real' and the 'digital' are quickly becoming indistinguishable.

Pictured below: Another fine example of real world and digital fusion.

Not your average Star Trek convention

2009-12-30T08:32:00.000-08:00

This photo has been surfacing all over the web for the past couple of days, so I knew I had to share it.

To view the Freemont Trek Riders cycling in the nude for unknown reasons, click here.

Pac Man VS Mario

2009-12-22T12:08:00.000-08:00

For a really good laugh, click here. Hysterical!

And if you understand Russian and want to see more stick figure animation with voice-over sound effects battling it out, click here.

Magical AND Twisted, I like it!

2009-12-20T22:54:00.000-08:00

I stumbled upon an amazing short film (5min, 30sec) entitled Alma, and if you have a few moments to spare I highly recommend you check it out. Wonderful and captivating, the ending is not at all what I expected. Without revealing too much, let me say just one thing: if you stumbled upon a wall that was completely covered with scribbled signatures, wouldn't you wonder what the heck had happened to all those people?!

You can view Alma at http://almashortfilm.com/ , full screen recommended.

I don't find anything funny about this at all

2009-12-20T13:15:00.000-08:00

FACT: There are between 20,000 and 25,000 polar bears left in the world today.

FACT: Due to climate change, Canada's Arctic is melting faster than any place on Earth pushing the polar bear to the brink of survival. "Increasing global warming pollution has caused Arctic temperatures to rise by 5°Celsius over the past 100 years, and the extent of sea ice has decreased by six percent over the past 20 years. Scientists now predict a 60 percent loss of summer sea ice by around 2050, which would more than double the summer ice-free season from 60 to 150 days. Sea ice is critical to polar bears' survival as it is the platform from which they hunt their primary prey, ringed seals and bearded seals. Longer ice-free periods limit the time the bears have on the ice to hunt, and in some areas means that they have fewer fat resources to survive on land during the longer summer season. In addition, lower body weight reduces female bears' ability to lactate, leading to greater mortality among cubs." Visit WWF Canada for more detailed information.

The above melting polar bear ice sculpture was created by artist Mark Coreth, sponsored by WWF, and presented in Copenhagen in order to create awareness of the human impact on climate. The melting ice sculpture is symbolic of the melting ice which the polar bear requires in order to survive, and once the ice sculpture has fully melted a metal skeleton will remain in its place as a permanent reminder. Find out how you can lessen your impact on your only plant here.

Pictured below: If you're too ignorant to wrap your head around this, think of it this way...Once the polar bears are extinct, where will the world's supply of delicious Coca-Cola come from?

These hats are bitchin'

2009-12-19T12:58:00.000-08:00

Hardcore Star Wars fans can now pair their Adidas Originals Star Wars Collection shoes and clothing with the latest and greatest from New Era... a collection of Star Wars baseball caps.

Pictured below: Normally this sort of apparel is only worn by total geeks, this is my visionary outlook for the new spokesperson(s) for this brand (although in hindsight Lil Kim looks a little cold, maybe I should have given her a jacket instead).

The dumbest thing I have ever seen in my life

2009-12-19T11:52:00.000-08:00

One, two, three times a charm...

OK, I don't actively follow One Tree Hill, but I admit I have stumbled upon it enough times to figure out that Dan is a giant asshole and a lot of people want him dead. Presumably, so does the CW Network. In two past episodes Dan awaits a heart transplant and each scenario goes horribly awry. The most recent and third episode does not disappoint. You can catch the ridiculous fun here.

Pictured below: What I pressume was Dans reaction.

You'll never look at laundry the same way again

2009-12-19T09:33:00.000-08:00

Mad Magazine, founded by editor Harvey Kurtzman and publisher Willian Gaines (1952), had originated as a comic book that took a satirical look at the media and cultural landscape of the 20th Century. During the 1990's MADtv was developed as an American sketch comedy television series which licenses the name and logo of Mad launching it's first episode on October 14, 1995. Other than animated Spy vs. Spy and Don Martin cartoon shorts with images of Alfred E. Neuman, the show has no other association with the humor magazine.

MADtv recently took a satirical look at 'Snuggle Bear', the cute and lovable little mascot from Snuggle Fabric Softener and what could potentially happen if you found yourself face-to-face with a talking bear who magically appears in your laundry room. To view the hilarious but gruesome antics, click here.

Nothing short of awesome

2009-12-19T08:50:00.000-08:00

Remember when Samuel L. Jackson made a cameo appearance at the end of Iron Man and a hush fell over the crowd? Set to appear in theaters May 7, 2010 Paramount Pictures and Marvel Entertainment present the sequel to the blockbuster film based on the legendary Marvel Super Hero Iron Man.

"...the world is aware that billionaire inventor Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) is the armored Super Hero Iron Man. Under pressure from the government, the press and the public to share his technology with the military, Tony is unwilling to divulge the secrets behind the Iron Man armor because he fears the information will slip into the wrong hands. With Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow), and James “Rhodey” Rhodes (Don Cheadle) at his side, Tony forges new alliances and confronts powerful new forces."

View the preview at ironmanmovie.marvel com

Pictured below: The sexy Pepper Potts takes a quick break after dropping off Mr. Starks suits and her uniform at the dry cleaners.

The Fallen Princess Project

2009-12-18T20:21:00.000-08:00

Dina Goldstein is the master mind behind the Fallen Princess Project which places Fairy Tale characters into modern day scenarios. Rather than each character living their 'happily ever after' the artist addresses conflict by representing each tale as though it were a current day issue.

Inspiration for the project was drawn from Brothers Grimm stories which were adapted by Disney with the expulsion of the dark and gruesome details from which they originated. The artist then took Disney's perfect Princesses and displayed them side by side for comparison with real issues that affect women such as illness, addiction and self-image.

See more of this amazing work here.

Pictured below: On the lighter side, Super Not So Super brings us their interpretation of Super Heroes in super ordinary situations. Follow the link to see Wonder Woman washing dishes, Batman receiving a foreclosure notice, and more.

Cool school makes kids smarter

2009-12-17T10:40:00.000-08:00

Faroe Islands, Denmark, houses the largest educational project in the country’s history made up of three institutes (Faroe Islands Gymnasium, Torshavns Technical College, and the Business College of Faroe Islands) which are stacked and and intertwined within one another and connected by a main patio at the center.

Located on a hillside with stunning views of the sea and mountains, it is esthetically pleasing and promotes social gathering along with learning.

Pictured below: If my school looked this good, I may very well have spent more time in it.

123 Klan is going to take over the world

2009-12-17T08:45:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately I could not find to much information on this, but what I do know is that it was part of a photo session by artist Marie-Claude Hamel of leitmotiv studio shot in Montreal this past November in collaboration with the designers of the 123 Klan.

Whoever and whatever they are, they seem keen on killing one another and likely have plans for world domination. I don't know whether to pick them up and hug them or to run away in fear.

Pictured below: Another cutie-patutie that wouldn't think twice before ripping your heart out.

All I want for Christmas

2009-12-17T07:55:00.000-08:00

The following letter has been brought to you by the good ol' folks at holytaco.com :

Dear Santa,

Well, this certainly has been quite a year. I've had my ups (being the best golfer ever) and my downs (getting in trouble for boning 15 chicks that weren't my wife) but all-in-all it's been a year, and nobody can argue that.

Thanks so much for the slutty chicks that I asked for last year. They were great. Most of them turned out to be a little too yappy and stupid, but for the most part they were above par. Except for the dirty, nasty waitress one. That one was f*cked up. Okay, Santa, here's what I want for Christmas.

1) Ambien (I"m always running out! LOL!)
2) A gaint Scrooge McDuck vault that can hold a billion kajillion dollars.
3) A Time Machine. A really f*cking good Time Machine that can make everything fine again. Please. PLEASE.

TTYL!
Tiger

For your subterranean dwelling

2009-12-16T08:30:00.000-08:00

A prototype of the troll chair, designed by LOPFURNITURE, was recently displayed on exhibit in Berlin. It is being manufactured by Lund & Paarmann who specialize in modern living.

I can think of all sorts of dwellings where this chair would be appropriate, but somehow the word 'modern' escapes my vocabulary when thinking of the placement for this design.

Pictured below: What comes to mind.

Stop F*ing with Nature

2009-12-16T07:53:00.000-08:00

Artist Kate MacDowell beautifully hand sculpts porcelain which shows the relationship between natural world conflicts and contemporary impacts on the environment. Each piece is in reaction to environmental stimulus (such as climate change and toxic pollution) and takes inspiration from myth, art history, figures of speech and other cultural touchstones.

"I chose porcelain for its luminous and ghostly qualities as well as its strength and ability to show fine texture. It highlights both the impermanence and fragility of natural forms in a dying ecosystem, while paradoxically, being a material that can last for thousands of years and is historically associated with high status and value. I see each piece as a captured and preserved specimen, a painstaking record of endangered natural forms and a commentary on our own culpability."

See more of Kate's amazing work here.

Pictured below: More talent. I am a huge fan of environmental artwork by Caia Koopman, check out her gallery here.

Braaaaaiiiiiinnnnns...

2009-12-16T07:22:00.000-08:00

I stumbled upon some really cool artwork by chronic doodler Alexis Ayala. Much like myself, Alexis seems to have an unexplainable fascination with zombies which is shamelessly embraced through the artists work. You can check out the gory yet adorable details here.

For some fantastic zombie viewing, you might want to check out:
Zombieland - this place is so dead
Dance of the Dead - it's their night to come alive
Død snø - yes, you'll need subtitles for this one
Shaun of the Dead - it's just one of the days when you're feeling a little dead

Pictured below: What's on the dinner menu.

50 cent knows how to sweet talk a Lady

2009-12-15T14:40:00.000-08:00

Normally I hate it when rap songs tell me what to do, but that's all changed since my ears have been blessed by 50 cents latest lyrics, a romantic serenade that promises steamy porn sex followed by lots of money. And a baby.

"Girl I perform for you, like a porno star
'Til you had enough then I just need a lil' bit more"

"Girl, I want you to gimme what you got, then gimme more

Baby, you can start on top, or all fours

You know I like it, when you get into it

Don't nobody do it, uh, like I do it"

"I need you to give what I need, more than liquor and weed

I need you to maybe give me a seed"

"Have a baby by me, be a millionaire

Have a baby by me, be a millionaire

Be a millionaire, be a millionaire"

Well spank me silly, how's a girl to say 'no' to that?

Pictured below: Always a hopeless romantic, I can only dream 50 cents sky-written marriage proposal will put all others to shame (because nothing says I [heart] U like a giant penis dollar sign).

I'll huff, and I'll puff...

2009-12-14T10:17:00.000-08:00

Design team Kengo Kuma and Associates developed this stunning architecture created entirely out of bamboo. Located in the countryside near Beijing the project is part of a program implemented in 2002 and carried out by Asia's Top Ten best-known architects. Each is responsible for the construction of ten villas which will be part of a communal dwelling (for a total of one-hundred) in a forest adjacent to the Great Wall of China.

The intention was, "to apply the nature of the Great Wall to the act of dwelling. This is why the house it titled 'wall' instead of 'house'..."

Pictured below: A candid glimpse inside the home.

To Team Regretsy with love

2009-12-13T20:27:00.000-08:00

And don't forget to brush your teeth and wash behind your ears!

It's a hard knock life

2009-12-13T19:17:00.000-08:00

PC and video game graphics are unbelievable these days and experienced gamers are constantly upgrading their systems to meet escalating hardware demands. It sometimes makes me miss the good old days when I used to sit in front of the Commodore64 and play Rescue 911 for hours.

So you can imagine how completely thrilled I was when I found this completely ghetto game that is reminiscent not only of the synopsis of Rescue 911, but also embraces the crappy technology. But instead of guiding an ambulance through obstacles on the road to rescue innocent civilians from a burning building, you help Tiger Woods guide his Escalade through obstacles on the road to outrun his angry wife. And trust me, the bitch is angry. To see just how angry, click here. But really, can you blame her? Personally she's my new hero.

Pictured below: If you enjoy Japanese animation and (normally) elegant women who occasionally feel the need to slap the shit out of each other, you may also enjoy Rose & Camellia.

Stormtroopers 365 days a year

2009-12-12T18:16:00.000-08:00

The original Stormtroopers were a special military troop in Germany (the literal translation being Stoßtruppen or "shock troops") which were formed during the last years of World War I. The German army developed new methods of attacking enemy trenches, called infiltration tactics, which are still used today in one form or another.

Somebody who surprisingly has a lot more time on their hands than I do started a project called Stormtroopers 365 which is a series of photos starring TK455 and TK479 (Stormtroopers in the Galactic Empire Army, duh) who appear to be demonstrating various infiltration tactics. The project began on April 3rd 2009 and should end on April 3rd 2010 with a new picture added to the series each day throughout the duration of one year.

To get a deep look into the imagination of a grown man who plays with dolls, come to the dark side and view the slideshow.

Pictured below: A few of my personal favorites from the collection.

Merry-Go-Round Coat Rack + Too Much Wine = Lots of Trouble

2009-12-12T14:35:00.000-08:00

Museum Boijmans van Beuningen Rotterdam houses the Merry-Go-Round Coat Rack designed by Studio Wieki Somers. Inspired by mine workers who's coats had to be hoisted up due to space issues, the carousel is constructed of plastic pulley blocks, fires hoses and metal weights which allow the coats to float within the empty space just above the ceiling. The visitors at the museum easily hang and retrieve their belongings themselves.

Having limited space within my home, in concept this sounds like a totally awesome idea for my next house party. But after realistically looking at the whole picture, drunken masses of bodies and spinning objects just don't bode well together.

Holiday Sentiments...

2009-12-11T16:10:00.001-08:00

Given the variety of worldly religions, political views and personal beliefs that bind the emotional threads to our souls, there are many ways to express our deepest and most cherished sentiments this holiday season. But nothing transcends borders quite like this little guy...

You have got to be shitting me

2009-12-11T14:25:00.001-08:00

You can now purchase iPod cases made from reclaimed cassette tapes which have been gutted and rebuilt to fit your 4th generation iPod nano. Because apparently you don't care to shoot a video or view anything on the larger screen you just paid for. Or push any of those fancy buttons. But the biggest irony of all is that although the nano keeps getting smaller, these cases are even bigger than the iPod classic.

Pictured below: Are we headed back to the good old days?

World Health Organization, I have three words for you: What The WHAT?

2009-12-11T12:45:00.000-08:00

In 1988 the World Health Organization established World Aids Day (recognized December 1st each year, although I have yet to see the celebratory announcement on my Puppies & Kittens Calendar) in order to raise awareness of the AIDS pandemic caused by the spread of HIV infection.

Somewhere in Latin America a philanthropic foundation called Grupo de Apoio à Prevenção à AIDS da Baixada Santista (GAPA/BS) developed an AIDS campaign with the message “Be pure. Safe sex is never wrong.” GAPA/BS hopes to change the perception of purity, precisely with the belief that to remain pure, all it takes is protection.

Pictured below: Wow, if slapping a condom on it equals purity, then does this mean I am looking into the eyes of godliness? Apparently this deity wants your dog to wear a condom too.

This is your future. Damn! I didn't know the future looked so good...

2009-12-11T12:14:00.000-08:00

Pictured above is the latest World Wildlife Fund Campaign - We Are Animals (brought to you by Wrangler for WWF). Apparently their slogan “Their extinction is ours as well” is creating a lot of hype. Funny, I would have thought it was the super buff and beautiful naked bodies washed up seductively on the shores that demanded all the attention. Meh, what do I know?

Pictured below: My interpretation of the cause of our future extinction.

Pinky and The Brain are gonna get their ass kicked...

2009-12-10T18:44:00.000-08:00

Meet Noop and Paw, the new toys being released as part of Coarse's “False Friends” collection. One is a human dressed as a rabbit (that would be Noop)and the other looks kind of looks like a rabbit / robot (in case you lost track, that would be Paw). Whatever they are, they're bad little mo fo's set to be released on January 7th 2010 and will be sold in limited edition packs for around 350€. More info at coarsetoys.com.

Who the fak has time to do this to their food?!...

2009-12-10T18:17:00.000-08:00

.. and why do I suddenly have a serious craving for a gigantic pretzel?!

Aww ya... that's what I'm talkin' about!

2009-12-10T17:56:00.001-08:00

Don't get me wrong, I'm not about to run out and intentionally get hit by a bus, but this is one sweet ass ride!

Lawrence Kwok, designer of the "Nimbl", specifically developed this wheelchair with indoor use in mind. Rather than rearranging the home around the chair, the chair can be rearranged to work throughout the home. A magnetically placed armrest remote allows both right handed and left handed operation. The chair features a carbon fiber tub which houses a 10″ lift actuator, motorized hubless wheels and interchangeable battery which manipulates the device to increase the maneuverability within the home. It apparently also relieves pressure and aids with rehabilitation.

Looks like my friend over here has some competition.

Bodies everywhere

2009-04-28T12:10:00.001-07:00

OMGawsh, this is great! Let's get a group together for a photo-outing!

I have high hopes that we can accomplish this.

Love Design loves you long, long time

2009-04-28T12:05:00.001-07:00

I have no words for this so you will just have to click here to visit the source.

Pictured below: If you're curious to see how freaky your girlfriend is, check underneath her bedside lamp...

Giant Squirrels would love this

2009-04-28T11:53:00.001-07:00

Wow, this is like cribs for squirrels. Or hermits who prefer the solitary life alone in the forest. Designed by Rover Harvey Oshatz who's name is as unique as his imagination.

Hip to be square

2009-04-28T11:36:00.000-07:00

Frederik Roijé, Holland, presents Rocking Squares, a modern take on traditional pieces such as chairs, bookcases, lamps, and rocking horses. As much as this piece may be functional I would not recommend to use as a toy, unless of course sharp edges are your forte...

Why on earth??

2009-04-28T10:55:00.001-07:00

I don't know why, but students at Arizona State U's College of Design decided to build a "transgenerational toilet design concept" called Go With The Flow.

"The Flo toilet is an ergonomic, sustainable design concept for baby boomers that functions like a squat toilet. Designers maintain that using the Flo toilet is akin to yoga - by building and strengthening abdominal and back muscles. Only one-half to one gallon of water is used for flushing and The Flo reuses water from hand washing. To flush water from the tanks to the toilet, the Flo employs an electromagnetic ball valve. Go With the Flo also is free of mechanical parts. The toilet is fully self-sustaining and independent of electric power."

OK, so a portion of this design concept makes sense, but does the toilet really need to be transparent? I mean really... You know what this reminds me of? The water tube-slide at Atlantis, Bahamas. Except instead of watching people going through a plastic tunnel, you'd be watching shit.

Drink more wine, wash less glasses

2009-04-21T06:49:00.001-07:00

The dumbest invention ever, the Glass Tank is a wine receptacle designed to keep your glass topped at all times... well, until the bottle is empty anyways. I see several flaws with this design:

1) Wouldn't this thing be heavy? I mean, you may as well just fist the bottle if you're too lazy to top up your glass.

2) It would be difficult to carry on a conversation while drinking this wine. Just imagine, every time you take a sip, whomever you are looking at would disappear.

3) If you're a true wine connoisseur who is all for convenience and you don't mind looking like an alcoholic, you may as well just replace the cans in your Beer Guzzler Hat with bottles of wine. And if you know what I'm talking about, you're probably drunk right now.

Happy two thousand, seven hundred and sixty-second bithday Rome

2009-04-20T13:04:00.000-07:00

This is how Rome rolls on it's birthday. Old countries sure are weird.

Pictured below: C'mon guys, let's kick this party up a notch!

Quick fix for the man who doesn't know how to knot a necktie

2009-04-20T11:39:00.000-07:00

A Lego bow tie, awwww yaaaaa! Lego accessories have been popping up everywhere including Marc Jacobs runway shows, and have been spotted selling at up $1000 per piece. If I had a thousand dollars to blow on Lego, I'd build a life size Shell.

Pictured below: Now that's what I'm talkin' about.

Because time is money

2009-04-20T07:18:00.000-07:00

Ask my boyfriend and he'll tell you that when it comes to technology I'm slightly challenged. And I also don't like to spend time doing useless crap, not even if it only takes a few seconds. So I figure Denis Guidon, creator of the Ora ilLegale daylight savings clock, must know a woman just like me.

You switch between daylight savings time by simply tilting the timepiece on it's two bases. Clever!

Pictured below: The Chromochrome light clock which is as complicated to read as it is to spell. A not so clever invention that features different colored lights, each representing a number. Time is worked out by the colors that are displayed. That sounds like math. And like a whole lot of thinking. Neither of which I like to do early in the morning, or the middle of the night, or on a sunny afternoon, or really, any time ever.

Spice up dinner with a pinch of salt, a dash of pepper, and a healthy topping of STDs

2009-04-18T08:55:00.000-07:00

You read the title of this cookbook right? And no, it is not a joke.

Author Paul "Fotie" Photenhauer claims [semen is]
"not only nutritious, but has wonderful cooking properties." The author compares the taste to fine wine or cheese, describing the taste as “complex and dynamic”. Whilst this concept may be far too much to stomach for even the most adventurous of food lovers, this book hopes to change people’s attitudes towards a naturally produced and widely available ingredient. "All across the world people consume things which, without being clouded by the bias of social preconceptions could be considered stranger. Millions of people each day enjoy covering their breakfast cereals with the mammary secretions of cattle which, on reflection, can seem much more unnatural an act."

Comparing milk from a cow's udder to human ejaculate, you have got to be fuck'n kidding me. No wait, you have no time to kidd, you're too busy fuck'n something else... in my kitchen no doubt...

For a preview of actual recipes, and to render your dinner guests speachless, click here.

Barbies new waterpark adventure

2009-04-18T08:30:00.001-07:00

I don't know about you, but if I was five years old Barbie and I would be having some good times right about now with the Abisko Washbasin from Eumar.

Omitting both a traditional basin in which water would normally accumulate, and free from pipes, designers Johan Kauppi and Lars Sundström want individuals to be aware of just how much water they are using.

Hold that thought, I hear my niece calling me... "No sweetie, I have no idea where Barbie is. Now go color or something...Whee!" Oh! You're still here! I was just, uhhh... *slams doors*

For the classy DJ in your life...

2009-04-17T20:22:00.000-07:00

Designed for DJs with refined tastes, Garder Post offers the Baby Grand Master, a mixer built into a Baby Grand Piano complete with a 12-inch subwoofer and hydraulic legs. Whoa-ah! Too bad most DJ's can't afford it. :)

Pictured below: Extreme close-up

I want to sign all of my letters like this!

2009-04-17T20:16:00.001-07:00

Fire Tagging is a new form of graffiti where NYC artists scrawl their signature in lighter fluid, then set it aflame. This is all done in controlled, approved environments, so don't go thinking you can walk into a bank with hairspray and a box of matches to sign your mortgage renewal.

Don't ask questions, just watch the video

2009-04-17T19:55:00.000-07:00

Caution: Flashing lights may cause seizures.

Little Ninja will kick your ass on Earth Day

2009-04-17T19:28:00.000-07:00

Aww schucks ma, he's so cute, can we keep 'em?

Pictured above is an eco friendly creature affectionately referred to as Forest Spirit Wee Ninja . 100% organic, sustainable, and handmade, the little bugger was created in celebration of Earth Day using the following materials:
~ The fabric and thread used to form the body and head are constructed of organic cotton/hemp
~ The mask around the eyes is constructed of natural wool and leaves which are also naturally dyed
~ The eyes are wood, bio-degradable and natural
~ A hemp cord was used for the hang tag and leaf satchel, the hand-cut leaves are naturally dyed and 100% wool felt
~ The stuffing is kapok tree fiber: an all-natural fiber pulled from the seed pods of the kapok tree
~ The glue used to adhere the mask and eyes is non-toxic

"Now more than ever it's important to consider the impact we have on our environment. The Forest Ninja project is as much an exploration of the organic and sustainable materials available as it is a new addition to the Ninjatown line. By supporting the companies that produce such materials, we hope to raise awareness of what's available, and new ways to use them. In addition, we know that every component that goes into the Forest Spirit is completely bio-degradable - it won't sit in a landfill for thousands of years. The Forest Spirit came from the forest and it can become one with it some day!" says developer Shawnimals.

Something to think about my friends, something to think about...

Flying Nuns... Wheee!

2009-04-16T13:53:00.000-07:00

This not only looks like fun, but is a real photograph taken at Tyburn Convent (London, UK I looked it up Yo!) by Shannon Taggart Photography. Shannon's work is umm... interesting... you can look it up yourself if you care to see; but, what I like about this particular segment of her work is that it shows that Nuns are people too!

Pictured below: More Nun Fun

Fun with cardboard boxes... unless of course, they are your home

2009-04-16T13:30:00.000-07:00

Here we go again - - more crap being pawned as art. Dutch designer Wendy Plomp is participating in an art exhibit in Milan to present her latest work... Cardboard. Carpets.

You know who would really appreciate something like this? The guy down the street... you know, the one who sleeps on the corner and pisses on sewer grates. Actually, now that I think of it, this isn't a bad idea after all. Let's help out the homeless by sending them our little ones and a pack of crayons for an afternoon. I'm sure Wendy Plomp is getting a good dime for these, how many cardboard carpets do you think are needed to solve the homeless problem?....*pause*... That many huh? Wow, FREE babysitting service for the next ten years!

8 is Great! The perfect accessory for Octomom

2009-04-16T13:16:00.000-07:00

Iiamo, a Swedish company that makes cool stuff, launched a baby feeding bottle that heats milk up to 37 degrees using an organic cartridge. No cords, no batteries, no BPA, no PVC, no Lead, no Phthalates, no fuss, no muss. Except for the six piece cartridge that I assume needs to be cleaned and maintained.

Pictured below: can anyone invent these so that they are self-cleaning?

For people who like shit

2009-04-15T18:08:00.000-07:00

OK, so I don't know if that is *really* what this is made of, BUT that's what it looks like to me. A bunny sculpture straight from the manure pile. Ew.

Ooh, so strong!

2009-04-15T17:59:00.001-07:00

I don't know why but this picture makes me feel slightly homophobic. Maybe it's just me, but it looks like something is missing from the bottom layer of each shelf. If you know what I mean. Hint: twig and berries hanging from a tree branch.

Pictured below: 98...99..100, READY OR NOT HERE I COME!!!

Halp me, haaalp meeee...

2009-04-15T17:52:00.001-07:00

Wow. I want this guy to come to my Halloween party next year. Just one question, how did the guy in the dinosaur half of the costume manage to carry around that guy in the box all day?

For those of you who thought that was a serious question, please raise right hand and slap forehead repeatedly.

She's really a witch

2009-04-15T17:36:00.000-07:00

Of course she is, how else could this sofa possibly levitate? Science tells me it's magnets, but I'm skeptical...

Pictured below: OMG if these guys are levitating too I'm outta here.

Bratz introduces: Chloe the teenage mom doll

2009-03-28T08:16:00.000-07:00

Ok, so that's not really true, but when you look at this doll, isn't that the first thought that crosses your mind?

Personally I don't think this line of dolls sends the right message to little girls, but maybe that's just because I don't want to see my future Didi dressed in fishnet stockings and platform shoes wearing more makeup than a hooker at age 5 (because let's face it people, that is the target market age for these little glam sluts).

Pictured below: When little Chloe isn't busy changing the twin's diapers, she's droppin' it like it's hot with friends Yasmin, Shasha and Jade. And when times are tough and there isn't enough baby formula to go around, you can find little Chloe making a little extra cash on the side - - look for her in that dark alley around the corner...

Little Red Robin Hood + Techno = A Basket of Goodies and Fun!

2009-03-26T08:54:00.000-07:00

If you have approximately 3 minutes to spare and your coworkers / boss-man are not within eye shot, check out the coolest interpretation of Little Red Riding Hood ever:

Technology, animation, and funky music; a modern twist on a classic tale, what's not to like?

Lion King puts Michael Jordan to shame

2009-03-23T19:13:00.000-07:00

Long story short, for shits 'n giggles... um, I mean... for science, ya, that's it! For SCIENCE, two guys locked themselves in a super strong box and studied the feeding hierarchy of aggressive male lions. They conducted a number of experiments which included hanging carcass' from trees, and setting up dummies (of mammals commonly hunted by lions) and mannequins (the same kind you see in a Macy's store window snuggled up in warm winter mittens over Christmas) to determine the feeding habits of a pride.

So what did these two guys find out? 1) That lions can jump 11 feet straight up into the air without blinking; and, 2) That they were not omitted from the King of the Jungle's dinner menu.

To witness this spectacular and disturbing event, click here.

Pictured below: OK, so the boy can jump, but can he rip the head off a gazelle in a single bite? Ha! Didn't think so!

Nature is my homeboy

2009-03-23T17:21:00.000-07:00

You have absolutely no clue what you are looking at, do you? It's basically a feeding frenzy of fish and birds that BBC crew filmed off the coast of North America for part of their wildlife series Nature's Great Events: The Great Feast.

Seabirds were filmed corralling shoals of herring into tightly packed balls from below, while the seagulls were attacking the bait from above, leaving the poor herring trapped in a feeding frenzy from both ends. Then suddenly...*whoosh!*... Hey! Where did everybody go?!

To get the full story, click here. This is truly amazing!

Pictured below: Is this what Heaven looks like, Ghepetto?

Man wins $43 million dinner

2009-03-19T06:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, 55-year old Paul Kusznirewicz's lawyer served the Ontario Lottery and Gaming Corporation (OLG) with legal papers for a December 8th $42.9 million Buccaneer slot machine win that Georgian Downs Casino, located in Innisfil Canada, refused to pay out.

“Call attendant, you have won $42.9 million” the machine said as it was ringing its bells and whistles.

A casino employee first congratulated Paul with his win, but after seeing the total winning indicated said, “oh, but look at how big, I’ll have to call my supervisor.” Two supervisors, security and a few mechanics arrived at the machine, taking pictures. Then someone said: “We can’t pay you that money because that machine is broken.”

OLG calculated that the maximum payout for a Buccaneer slot game is $9.025. “It malfunctioned. It clearly malfunctioned, each machine has a posted sign that says malfunction voids all pays and plays.” said spokesperson Allison Sparkes. But the maximum payout is not posted, plus OLG’s legal team couldn’t prove the machine was broken.

And what did the casino offer Kusznirewicz's instead as compensation? Four tickets for the buffet. Ooooooooh yaaaaaaaaa.

Pictured below: Stock up bitches, cuz this is all you can eat for $43,000,000.00

Psst... They're not real

2009-03-09T05:59:00.000-07:00

It's A Girl!
Barbara Millicent Roberts
Born March 9, 1959 in Willows, Wisconsin
11 ½-inch tall, proud new addition from Mattel

Celebrating her 50th birthday today, Barbie has traveled the world and worked 108 jobs (and counting) over the past half century. She's the perfect spokesperson for Tampax proving that a girl really can do anything having been a horseback rider, an Olympic athlete, an astronaut, a Marine Corps sergeant, an aerobics instructor, and a rock star. But true to Barbie's real profession as a clothes horse and supermodel, the doll had her own show during New York Fashion Week where top designers such as Calvin Klein and Alexander Wang created outfits inspired by the doll.

Barbie was first introduced wearing a black and white swimsuit, sunglasses, and black open toe shoes. In her debut year she had 22 ensembles, some were casual but most were glamorous and well accessorized. The doll's manufacturer, Mattel, has estimated that more than one billion fashion items have been created for Barbie and her friends to date.

Happy Birthday Barbie, and thanks a lot for programming me to believe that I need to achieve an impossible body image and support superficial consumerism in order to have a purpose in life.

Pictured below: Barbie at 50 without the help of the Nip & Tuck crew

William Shatner wants to land the Starship Enterprise in your backyard

2009-03-07T11:57:00.000-08:00

Seventy-seven year old former Star Trek actor William Shatner says screw you to the American dream, he'd rather be Canada's next Prime Minister.

Shatner made his intentions known after receiving a letter from a fan urging him to run for the Governor General (who is appointed by the monarch, currently Queen Elizabeth II, to perform the constitutional duties of the sovereign on her behalf).

"My intention is to be Prime Minister of Canada, not Governor General, which is mainly a ceremonial position." Shatner said.

Shatner added: "I must, with my deepest thanks, turn down your honourable intent to advance me as Governor General. Besides which, I don't have time to be Governor General." Despite his busy schedule, the actor is confident he has what it takes to run the country, explaining: "As Prime Minister I can lead Canada into even greater exploits."

I wonder what sort of exploits he is referring to. Perhaps he is paranoid that a terrorist attack will unleash a virus on Canada that removes the populations inhibitions. Or maybe he intends to address the North American Free Trade Agreement and is planning to venture into Canada's fresh water resources to rescue a ship full of beautiful female cargo.

Pictured below: A look inside Canadian Parliament after a few small interior design changes have been made and the new interns have arrived.

Chris Brown possibly on his way to the big house... Weeeee!

2009-03-05T14:01:00.000-08:00

Chris Brown was charged today by the Los Angeles District Attorney's office with felony counts of assault and making criminal threats against Rihanna. A district attorney's spokeswoman has indicated, if convicted, the sentence ranges anywhere from probation to four years and eight months in state prison.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Pictured below: where the magic happens

Update: TMZ is live outside of L.A. Superior Court waiting to confirm a conviction. To watch the live stream video visit: www.tmz.com

Updated update: Damn. The case is being continued until April 6th. I suppose I knew it couldn't end so quickly. Cruel World.

Robot wants to love you long, long time [Marvin Gaye's 'Let's Get It On' plays in background]

2009-03-05T09:20:00.000-08:00

Toshiba Akimu Robotic Research Institute in Japan, developed Kenji who is described as a third-generation humanoid programmed to emulate human emotions including love. However, things went horribly wrong when Kenji was unable to hold back his lovin' feelings for so long.

The trouble all started when a young female intern began to spend several hours each day with Kenji, testing his systems and loading new software routines. When it came time to leave one evening, however, Kenji refused to let her out of his lab enclosure and used his bulky mechanical body to block her exit and hug her repeatedly. The intern was only able to escape after she had frantically phoned two senior staff members to come and temporarily de-activate Kenji.

Dr. Takahashi admits that they will more than likely have to decommission Kenji permanently, but he's optimistic about one day succeeding where Kenji failed. "This is only a minor setback. I have full faith that we will one day live side by side with, and eventually love and be loved by, robots," he said.

Sounds to me like Dr Takahashi is a sick pervert who fantasizes about fu--, um I mean, marrying a fembot in the future.

Pictured below: Whoo, let's get it on. Ah babe, let's get it on.

Chris Brown is an asshole

2009-03-05T09:09:00.001-08:00

Found some very disturbing info online today describing the incident that occurred between Rihanna and the worthless piece of shit she calls her boyfriend/speculated husband.

A FOX affiliate has acquired police notes from the scene that detail the attack which was initiated after Rihanna read "a three-page text message from another woman" on Chris' phone. TMZ reports:
Brown then allegedly shoved Rihanna's head against the passenger window. When Rihanna turned to face him, Brown punched her, then continued punching her while driving, according to the detective's notes. Blood spattered all over Rihanna's clothing and in the interior of the car. Her mouth was filled with blood.
Brown allegedly told Rihanna, "I'm going to beat the **** out of you when we get home. You wait and see." Rihanna called her assistant and left a message saying, "I am on my way home. Make sure the cops are there when I get there." Brown then replied, "You just did the stupidest thing ever. I'm going to kill you."
According to the report, Brown continued to punch Rihanna, bit her on her ear, her fingers and put her in a headlock -- she almost lost consciousness.

Shocking.

For only $50 your cat can look like a jackass

2009-03-04T15:08:00.001-08:00

Some lunatic developed www.kittywigs.com which advertises:

Pink is the color of fantasy. Our model, Chicken, looks like her mind is elsewhere when she wears this wig -- somewhere in a land of cotton candy and pinwheels where the air smells like sugar kisses.

Pink makes your kitty feel elegant, modern and quintessentially feline.

Something makes me think that the creator of kittywigs has his or her (I won't be quick to judge) mind elsewhere. And I think it's trapped somewhere between hallucinogenic agents and psychoactive drugs, in a land where the walls are pink and padded, and the room keeps spinning.

And just how exactly do you know that this is how the color pink makes my kitty feel?? I once bought my kitty a pink collar with sparkly rhinestones but she still didn't stop licking her ass in front of company.

Pictured below: Don't ever do this to your cat. You don't want your kitty to end up like her, do you?

The perfect gift for my boyfriend

2009-03-04T13:25:00.000-08:00

To clarify, these bars of soap are not the perfect gift for my boyfriend because he smells bad, but rather because they are shaped like computer mice. Since he is the biggest computer geek I know, I can think of nothing else that would bring him greater joy while being rubbed all over his naked body in the shower, and that statement includes me. If he could bring Warcraft in there with him, believe me, he would, and I'd be curled up shivering on the bathmat.

Pictured below: my fallback plan if I can't get my hands on that soap

Update: He's going to have to accept the fact that I am not going to buy this soap any time soon. It's manufactured in whatever countries language this is: 產品編號 And if you can read that, you already know that it costs $199 per piece! Ai ya!

Biggest. Mistake. Ever.

2009-03-04T11:19:00.000-08:00

A brand new set of rumors have surfaced that Rihanna married Chris Brown in a private service at P. Diddy's mansion.

I wonder if Diddy is gonna change his name again soon... maybe to Dr. Phil. In which case he's the dumbest doctor ever.

Pictured below: irony

I want one, just because

2009-03-02T17:15:00.000-08:00

I'm seeing very animated cakes everywhere I go now and I have to admit the seven year old inside of me is screaming for my very own. Really digging the topsy turvy looks-like-it-will-topple-over-any-minute-now style.

Pictured below: the idea has also translated to cupcakes [Ahem, Audrey].

Kanye Wests girlfriend is from the future...

2009-03-02T14:02:00.001-08:00

...or at least the future as it was represented by movies filmed in the '80's.

Her name is Amber Rose, which kind of sets off alarm bells, and apparently she is a model. Of course, the only pictures I could find of her modeling online were...err, uh... how do I put this delicately?

Pictured below: Me putting it delicately. Only less green and more upside down.

Bitter is not only the new black, but also my new life plan - and it's exquisite!

2009-03-02T08:49:00.000-08:00

Thanks to a lovely girls-day-out for brunch, shopping, and a movie, two of the funniest girls I know pillaged me with Valium laced Mimosa's and convinced me to purchase Jen Lancaster's Bitter is the New Black. OK, so the Valium laced mimosa's never actually happened, but would anybody be surprised if they did?

After picking the book up, I haven't been able to put it down. Soren and Sara, I have only one thing to say: Shut. Up.

Pictured below: My top three chic-lit recommendations of all time.

Bitter is the New Black : Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smartass,Or, Why You Should Never Carry A Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office
The Other Side of the Story: A Novel
Confessions of a Shopaholic (Movie Tie-in Edition)

Drink like a Lich King!

2009-03-01T17:09:00.001-08:00

Blizzard Entertainment wants you to stop role playing and make some friends outside of the virtual world. And they want you to get absolutely shit-faced doing it.

World of Warcraft has released a bier stein collector series: Rise of the Lich King (pictured above) which features an Epic Collection and a Legendary Collection; the Blood of the Horde stein; and, the Alliance United stein.

WoW.

Pictured below: don't get me wrong beer is great, but I don't suppose they could throw this in free with purchase..?

This doesn't look good

2009-03-01T12:43:00.001-08:00

It has been reported that Rihanna and Chris Brown are back together again and are currently vacationing in Miami.

I am somewhat saddened by this news as I doubt this is a revenge tactic on Rihanna's part *sigh*.

Remember when you were a kid and your teacher said there are no stupid questions? Well he was an idiotic lying sack of shit.

2009-02-27T10:50:00.000-08:00

Everyday we are forced to face stupid people who ask us stupid questions. And we exercise the right to answer these questions as we choose. But unfortunately, we can't answer all the stupid questions we are forced to listen to every day, the questions asked... on the radio. Below are some of the dumbest questions forced on us daily through the joy of song.

"Diva" - Beyonce asks: This is a stick, up, stick up, I need them bags, huh, that money. Stick up, stick up, you see them ask, where that money?
Beyonce, we know where all that money is. With styler/designer Tina Knowles, manager Matthew Knowles, singer actress Sonlange Knowles, and... are you ready for this jelly? ... go take a look in the mirror.

"Paper Planes" M.I.A. asks: So, uh, no funny business, are you ready? Some, some, some I, some I murder. Some I , some I let go. Some, some, some I , some I murder. Some I, some I let go.
Considering the fact that she has just admitted she is capable of murder, I'm not sticking around to find out the answer to that question. I don't want to be one of some some some that she murders, I want to be one of some some some she lets go.

"You Found Me" The Fray asks: Where were you when everything was falling apart? All my days were spent by the telephone that never rang. Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded. Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Why'd you have to wait to find me, to find me? Where were you?
Well, I know where I wasn't, and that's watching you watching me from behind the bushes outside of my house.

"My Humps" - The Black Eyed Peas asks: What you gon' do with all that junk? All that junk inside your trunk?
You bastards! I'm calling Jenny Craig...! [*runs away sobbing profusely*]

"Where Was I?" - David Hasselhoff asks: Baby I'm confused. Well, wasn't that you in my bed? When love finally said good-bye, where was I?
I could be wrong here, but I think you were eating pizza off the floor.

"Get On The Bus" - Destiny's Child (featuring Timbaland) asks: Why you sleepin' with ya eyes closed?
I can only answer that one with another question: What the fuck is wrong wit choo?? [*my index finger is up in yo face, and my head is sashaying from shoulder to shoulder*]

Um... these boots were made for ... walking??

2009-02-27T09:13:00.000-08:00

Someone fashioned these slippers for the 2007 Burning Man, an annual one week gathering in Nevada's Black Rock Desert where tens of thousands of participants gather to express themselves and art. Oh, and they consume a lot of mind altering substances. And walk around without any clothes on.

Pictured below: other interesting things captured on film that walked around at Burning Man

Toronto artist wants to give your children nightmares

2009-02-26T17:03:00.001-08:00

Jessica Fortner is an illustrator who creates 3D scenes using a variety of materials and then photographs them to create final illustrations. The illustration above is called Furry Friend. Very ironic since the furry friend is NOT the little brown bear; the furry friend is the white dude covered in blood who appears to have just finished killing the little brown bear (and all of his little friends).

For a complete viewing of sadistic artist Jessica Fortner's work, and for an extreme close up of furry friends shaven ass, go to: http://www.jessicafortner.com/blog/

I have this odd feeling that you can probably find this art work strolling down Queen Street, and I wouldn't be surprised to see it at Nuit Blanche. You know what I'm talkin' about.

Pictured below: because my children aren't going to grow up to be woosy's, I'm stocking up for the nursery now.

Boy saves money on flashlights

2009-02-26T07:43:00.000-08:00

A little boy in China named Nong Youhui will never have to hide underneath his blanket with a flashlight and comic book late at night. That's because this amazing little fellow has the ability to see in pitch-blackness with eyes that glow in the dark.

Doctors have studied Nong Youhui’s amazing eyesight since his dad took him to hospital in Dahua, southern China, concerned over his bright blue eyes. Dad Ling said: "They told me he would grow out of it and that his eyes would stop glowing and turn black like most Chinese people but they never did."

Medical tests conducted in complete darkness show Youhui can read perfectly without any light and sees as clearly as most people do during the day. Experts believe he was born with a rare condition called leukodermia which has left his eyes with less protective pigment and more sensitive to light.

Very interesting indeed. I wonder how that conversation would play out at night when his parents come to check on him in bed.

Mommy Youhui: "Nong! Yooooo go to sweep now! Yoooo know betta than to stay up so wate! Close your eyes, Nong. Nong! Close your eyes noooow!"
Nong: "Yoooo peeeepa! Always telling me what to dooooo. When I grow up, I be supa-hero! Hmph!"

Pictured below: my medical opinion on why this little boy can see in the dark

Woman bored with life, decides to become mermaid

2009-02-26T07:13:00.001-08:00

New Zealand born Nadya Vessey lost both her legs below the knee when she suffered from a medical condition as a child. Due to developmental problems Vessey had both legs amputated, the first at age seven, the second at age sixteen. Vessey began swimming shortly after the first amputation and has been living with lower prosthetic legs since her childhood.

Several years ago while Vessey was removing her legs to go for a swim a four-year-old boy approached her and started to ask questions. Instead of trying to explain the amputations, Vessey asked the little boy if he knew about The Little Mermaid. "He said he did, so I told him: 'Well I'm a mermaid.' "

Thanks to the creative minds of Weta Workshop, those zany folks who brought you Lord of The Rings and King Kong, Vessey will soon have a new prosthetic that mimics a mermaids tail.

It just goes to show that in this day and age anything is possible. With enough money and imagination, and by imagination I mean excessive amounts of blow, dreams really can come true. I've always wondered what it would be like to date a centaur...

Pictured below: not the dream boat I had in mind, but I guess he'll do...

The end is near

2009-02-26T07:01:00.000-08:00

Some guy named Julian Beever decided he was going to try to fool us all into thinking the end of the world was here.

Check out more really cool 3D art by Beever here.

Because nothing says I'm sorry for smashing in your face quite like an iPod

2009-02-23T17:28:00.001-08:00

Apparently Chris Brown lavished Rihanna with some major bling on her 21st birthday in an attempt to win her back. It is rumored that he sent her a diamond necklace, diamond bracelet, and an iPod Touch.

Rihanna can use that last gift to conveniently check out pictures of her battered face on-line. Pure awesomeness.