Man wins $43 million dinner

Yesterday, 55-year old Paul Kusznirewicz's lawyer served the Ontario Lottery and Gaming Corporation (OLG) with legal papers for a December 8th $42.9 million Buccaneer slot machine win that Georgian Downs Casino, located in Innisfil Canada, refused to pay out.

“Call attendant, you have won $42.9 million” the machine said as it was ringing its bells and whistles.

A casino employee first congratulated Paul with his win, but after seeing the total winning indicated said, “oh, but look at how big, I’ll have to call my supervisor.” Two supervisors, security and a few mechanics arrived at the machine, taking pictures. Then someone said: “We can’t pay you that money because that machine is broken.”

OLG calculated that the maximum payout for a Buccaneer slot game is $9.025. “It malfunctioned. It clearly malfunctioned, each machine has a posted sign that says malfunction voids all pays and plays.” said spokesperson Allison Sparkes. But the maximum payout is not posted, plus OLG’s legal team couldn’t prove the machine was broken.

And what did the casino offer Kusznirewicz's instead as compensation? Four tickets for the buffet. Ooooooooh yaaaaaaaaa.

Pictured below: Stock up bitches, cuz this is all you can eat for $43,000,000.00

Remember when you were a kid and your teacher said there are no stupid questions? Well he was an idiotic lying sack of shit.

Everyday we are forced to face stupid people who ask us stupid questions. And we exercise the right to answer these questions as we choose. But unfortunately, we can't answer all the stupid questions we are forced to listen to every day, the questions asked... on the radio. Below are some of the dumbest questions forced on us daily through the joy of song.

"Diva" - Beyonce asks: This is a stick, up, stick up, I need them bags, huh, that money. Stick up, stick up, you see them ask, where that money?
Beyonce, we know where all that money is. With styler/designer Tina Knowles, manager Matthew Knowles, singer actress Sonlange Knowles, and... are you ready for this jelly? ... go take a look in the mirror.

"Paper Planes" M.I.A. asks: So, uh, no funny business, are you ready? Some, some, some I, some I murder. Some I , some I let go. Some, some, some I , some I murder. Some I, some I let go.
Considering the fact that she has just admitted she is capable of murder, I'm not sticking around to find out the answer to that question. I don't want to be one of some some some that she murders, I want to be one of some some some she lets go.

"You Found Me" The Fray asks: Where were you when everything was falling apart? All my days were spent by the telephone that never rang. Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded. Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Why'd you have to wait to find me, to find me? Where were you?
Well, I know where I wasn't, and that's watching you watching me from behind the bushes outside of my house.

"My Humps" - The Black Eyed Peas asks: What you gon' do with all that junk? All that junk inside your trunk?
You bastards! I'm calling Jenny Craig...! [*runs away sobbing profusely*]

"Where Was I?" - David Hasselhoff asks: Baby I'm confused. Well, wasn't that you in my bed? When love finally said good-bye, where was I?
I could be wrong here, but I think you were eating pizza off the floor.

"Get On The Bus" - Destiny's Child (featuring Timbaland) asks: Why you sleepin' with ya eyes closed?
I can only answer that one with another question: What the fuck is wrong wit choo?? [*my index finger is up in yo face, and my head is sashaying from shoulder to shoulder*]

Doctoral Student Loses His Shit

Leeds University in northern England has apologized to doctoral student, Daniel Bennett, for throwing away a 77lb bag of lizard excrement that took him seven years to collect.

Daniel Bennett told Times Higher Education magazine that the steamy pile of sweetcorn was part of a field study for his doctoral research collected in the Philippines.

Bennett was offered a compensation of $750 by the university which he rejected and said he would "see them in court".

"Whether it was the largest collection of lizard shit in the world is uncertain, but it certainly contained the only dietary sample from that little-known species Varanus olivaceus, and probably the most complete dietary record of any single population of animals in South East Asia. Its loss left me reeling and altered the course of my life forever."

I understand that this guy lost everything he worked so hard towards, but to say that it altered the course of his life forever?? I don't know, I once lost my rock collection - - and by lost I mean the entire pile of pebbles was stolen and thrown away by the cool kids in skool -- but I learned my lesson and now I have just one really big rock, and he is gray and smooth and his name is George... He is a very good rock. My George. My George.