Saturday, March 28, 2009

Bratz introduces: Chloe the teenage mom doll

Ok, so that's not really true, but when you look at this doll, isn't that the first thought that crosses your mind?

Personally I don't think this line of dolls sends the right message to little girls, but maybe that's just because I don't want to see my future Didi dressed in fishnet stockings and platform shoes wearing more makeup than a hooker at age 5 (because let's face it people, that is the target market age for these little glam sluts).

Pictured below: When little Chloe isn't busy changing the twin's diapers, she's droppin' it like it's hot with friends Yasmin, Shasha and Jade. And when times are tough and there isn't enough baby formula to go around, you can find little Chloe making a little extra cash on the side - - look for her in that dark alley around the corner...

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Little Red Robin Hood + Techno = A Basket of Goodies and Fun!

If you have approximately 3 minutes to spare and your coworkers / boss-man are not within eye shot, check out the coolest interpretation of Little Red Riding Hood ever:

Technology, animation, and funky music; a modern twist on a classic tale, what's not to like?

Monday, March 23, 2009

Lion King puts Michael Jordan to shame

Long story short, for shits 'n giggles... um, I mean... for science, ya, that's it! For SCIENCE, two guys locked themselves in a super strong box and studied the feeding hierarchy of aggressive male lions. They conducted a number of experiments which included hanging carcass' from trees, and setting up dummies (of mammals commonly hunted by lions) and mannequins (the same kind you see in a Macy's store window snuggled up in warm winter mittens over Christmas) to determine the feeding habits of a pride.

So what did these two guys find out? 1) That lions can jump 11 feet straight up into the air without blinking; and, 2) That they were not omitted from the King of the Jungle's dinner menu.

To witness this spectacular and disturbing event, click here.

Pictured below: OK, so the boy can jump, but can he rip the head off a gazelle in a single bite? Ha! Didn't think so!

Nature is my homeboy

You have absolutely no clue what you are looking at, do you? It's basically a feeding frenzy of fish and birds that BBC crew filmed off the coast of North America for part of their wildlife series Nature's Great Events: The Great Feast.

Seabirds were filmed corralling shoals of herring into tightly packed balls from below, while the seagulls were attacking the bait from above, leaving the poor herring trapped in a feeding frenzy from both ends. Then suddenly...*whoosh!*... Hey! Where did everybody go?!

To get the full story, click here. This is truly amazing!

Pictured below: Is this what Heaven looks like, Ghepetto?

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Man wins $43 million dinner

Yesterday, 55-year old Paul Kusznirewicz's lawyer served the Ontario Lottery and Gaming Corporation (OLG) with legal papers for a December 8th $42.9 million Buccaneer slot machine win that Georgian Downs Casino, located in Innisfil Canada, refused to pay out.

“Call attendant, you have won $42.9 million” the machine said as it was ringing its bells and whistles.

A casino employee first congratulated Paul with his win, but after seeing the total winning indicated said, “oh, but look at how big, I’ll have to call my supervisor.” Two supervisors, security and a few mechanics arrived at the machine, taking pictures. Then someone said: “We can’t pay you that money because that machine is broken.”

OLG calculated that the maximum payout for a Buccaneer slot game is $9.025. “It malfunctioned. It clearly malfunctioned, each machine has a posted sign that says malfunction voids all pays and plays.” said spokesperson Allison Sparkes. But the maximum payout is not posted, plus OLG’s legal team couldn’t prove the machine was broken.

And what did the casino offer Kusznirewicz's instead as compensation? Four tickets for the buffet. Ooooooooh yaaaaaaaaa.

Pictured below: Stock up bitches, cuz this is all you can eat for $43,000,000.00

Monday, March 9, 2009

Psst... They're not real

It's A Girl!
Barbara Millicent Roberts
Born March 9, 1959 in Willows, Wisconsin
11 ½-inch tall, proud new addition from Mattel

Celebrating her 50th birthday today, Barbie has traveled the world and worked 108 jobs (and counting) over the past half century. She's the perfect spokesperson for Tampax proving that a girl really can do anything having been a horseback rider, an Olympic athlete, an astronaut, a Marine Corps sergeant, an aerobics instructor, and a rock star. But true to Barbie's real profession as a clothes horse and supermodel, the doll had her own show during New York Fashion Week where top designers such as Calvin Klein and Alexander Wang created outfits inspired by the doll.

Barbie was first introduced wearing a black and white swimsuit, sunglasses, and black open toe shoes. In her debut year she had 22 ensembles, some were casual but most were glamorous and well accessorized. The doll's manufacturer, Mattel, has estimated that more than one billion fashion items have been created for Barbie and her friends to date.

Happy Birthday Barbie, and thanks a lot for programming me to believe that I need to achieve an impossible body image and support superficial consumerism in order to have a purpose in life.

Pictured below: Barbie at 50 without the help of the Nip & Tuck crew

Saturday, March 7, 2009

William Shatner wants to land the Starship Enterprise in your backyard

Seventy-seven year old former Star Trek actor William Shatner says screw you to the American dream, he'd rather be Canada's next Prime Minister.

Shatner made his intentions known after receiving a letter from a fan urging him to run for the Governor General (who is appointed by the monarch, currently Queen Elizabeth II, to perform the constitutional duties of the sovereign on her behalf).

"My intention is to be Prime Minister of Canada, not Governor General, which is mainly a ceremonial position." Shatner said.

Shatner added: "I must, with my deepest thanks, turn down your honourable intent to advance me as Governor General. Besides which, I don't have time to be Governor General." Despite his busy schedule, the actor is confident he has what it takes to run the country, explaining: "As Prime Minister I can lead Canada into even greater exploits."

I wonder what sort of exploits he is referring to. Perhaps he is paranoid that a terrorist attack will unleash a virus on Canada that removes the populations inhibitions. Or maybe he intends to address the North American Free Trade Agreement and is planning to venture into Canada's fresh water resources to rescue a ship full of beautiful female cargo.

Pictured below: A look inside Canadian Parliament after a few small interior design changes have been made and the new interns have arrived.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Chris Brown possibly on his way to the big house... Weeeee!

Chris Brown was charged today by the Los Angeles District Attorney's office with felony counts of assault and making criminal threats against Rihanna. A district attorney's spokeswoman has indicated, if convicted, the sentence ranges anywhere from probation to four years and eight months in state prison.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Pictured below: where the magic happens

Update: TMZ is live outside of L.A. Superior Court waiting to confirm a conviction. To watch the live stream video visit:

Updated update: Damn. The case is being continued until April 6th. I suppose I knew it couldn't end so quickly. Cruel World.

Robot wants to love you long, long time [Marvin Gaye's 'Let's Get It On' plays in background]

Toshiba Akimu Robotic Research Institute in Japan, developed Kenji who is described as a third-generation humanoid programmed to emulate human emotions including love. However, things went horribly wrong when Kenji was unable to hold back his lovin' feelings for so long.

The trouble all started when a young female intern began to spend several hours each day with Kenji, testing his systems and loading new software routines. When it came time to leave one evening, however, Kenji refused to let her out of his lab enclosure and used his bulky mechanical body to block her exit and hug her repeatedly. The intern was only able to escape after she had frantically phoned two senior staff members to come and temporarily de-activate Kenji.

Dr. Takahashi admits that they will more than likely have to decommission Kenji permanently, but he's optimistic about one day succeeding where Kenji failed. "This is only a minor setback. I have full faith that we will one day live side by side with, and eventually love and be loved by, robots," he said.

Sounds to me like Dr Takahashi is a sick pervert who fantasizes about fu--, um I mean, marrying a fembot in the future.

Pictured below: Whoo, let's get it on. Ah babe, let's get it on.

Chris Brown is an asshole

Found some very disturbing info online today describing the incident that occurred between Rihanna and the worthless piece of shit she calls her boyfriend/speculated husband.

A FOX affiliate has acquired police notes from the scene that detail the attack which was initiated after Rihanna read "a three-page text message from another woman" on Chris' phone. TMZ reports:
Brown then allegedly shoved Rihanna's head against the passenger window. When Rihanna turned to face him, Brown punched her, then continued punching her while driving, according to the detective's notes. Blood spattered all over Rihanna's clothing and in the interior of the car. Her mouth was filled with blood.
Brown allegedly told Rihanna, "I'm going to beat the **** out of you when we get home. You wait and see." Rihanna called her assistant and left a message saying, "I am on my way home. Make sure the cops are there when I get there." Brown then replied, "You just did the stupidest thing ever. I'm going to kill you."
According to the report, Brown continued to punch Rihanna, bit her on her ear, her fingers and put her in a headlock -- she almost lost consciousness.


Wednesday, March 4, 2009

For only $50 your cat can look like a jackass

Some lunatic developed which advertises:

Pink is the color of fantasy. Our model, Chicken, looks like her mind is elsewhere when she wears this wig -- somewhere in a land of cotton candy and pinwheels where the air smells like sugar kisses.

Pink makes your kitty feel elegant, modern and quintessentially feline.

Something makes me think that the creator of kittywigs has his or her (I won't be quick to judge) mind elsewhere. And I think it's trapped somewhere between hallucinogenic agents and psychoactive drugs, in a land where the walls are pink and padded, and the room keeps spinning.

And just how exactly do you know that this is how the color pink makes my kitty feel?? I once bought my kitty a pink collar with sparkly rhinestones but she still didn't stop licking her ass in front of company.

Pictured below: Don't ever do this to your cat. You don't want your kitty to end up like her, do you?

The perfect gift for my boyfriend

To clarify, these bars of soap are not the perfect gift for my boyfriend because he smells bad, but rather because they are shaped like computer mice. Since he is the biggest computer geek I know, I can think of nothing else that would bring him greater joy while being rubbed all over his naked body in the shower, and that statement includes me. If he could bring Warcraft in there with him, believe me, he would, and I'd be curled up shivering on the bathmat.

Pictured below: my fallback plan if I can't get my hands on that soap

Update: He's going to have to accept the fact that I am not going to buy this soap any time soon. It's manufactured in whatever countries language this is: 產品編號 And if you can read that, you already know that it costs $199 per piece! Ai ya!

Biggest. Mistake. Ever.

A brand new set of rumors have surfaced that Rihanna married Chris Brown in a private service at P. Diddy's mansion.

I wonder if Diddy is gonna change his name again soon... maybe to Dr. Phil. In which case he's the dumbest doctor ever.

Pictured below: irony

Monday, March 2, 2009

I want one, just because

I'm seeing very animated cakes everywhere I go now and I have to admit the seven year old inside of me is screaming for my very own. Really digging the topsy turvy looks-like-it-will-topple-over-any-minute-now style.

Pictured below: the idea has also translated to cupcakes [Ahem, Audrey].

Kanye Wests girlfriend is from the future...

...or at least the future as it was represented by movies filmed in the '80's.

Her name is Amber Rose, which kind of sets off alarm bells, and apparently she is a model. Of course, the only pictures I could find of her modeling online were...err, uh... how do I put this delicately?

Pictured below: Me putting it delicately. Only less green and more upside down.

Bitter is not only the new black, but also my new life plan - and it's exquisite!

Thanks to a lovely girls-day-out for brunch, shopping, and a movie, two of the funniest girls I know pillaged me with Valium laced Mimosa's and convinced me to purchase Jen Lancaster's Bitter is the New Black. OK, so the Valium laced mimosa's never actually happened, but would anybody be surprised if they did?

After picking the book up, I haven't been able to put it down. Soren and Sara, I have only one thing to say: Shut. Up.

Pictured below: My top three chic-lit recommendations of all time.

Bitter is the New Black : Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smartass,Or, Why You Should Never Carry A Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office
The Other Side of the Story: A Novel
Confessions of a Shopaholic (Movie Tie-in Edition)

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Drink like a Lich King!

Blizzard Entertainment wants you to stop role playing and make some friends outside of the virtual world. And they want you to get absolutely shit-faced doing it.

World of Warcraft has released a bier stein collector series: Rise of the Lich King (pictured above) which features an Epic Collection and a Legendary Collection; the Blood of the Horde stein; and, the Alliance United stein.


Pictured below: don't get me wrong beer is great, but I don't suppose they could throw this in free with purchase..?

This doesn't look good

It has been reported that Rihanna and Chris Brown are back together again and are currently vacationing in Miami.

I am somewhat saddened by this news as I doubt this is a revenge tactic on Rihanna's part *sigh*.

Worth Seeing ~ Inappropriate & Otherwise